


Nothing Without You

by hongpikachu



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, Heartbreak, I cried while writing this, M/M, because the nielsung tag needs more works, nielsung, prepare your tissues, pure heartbreaking angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 07:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/hongpikachu
Summary: The words feel like sandpaper brushing on his skin, and never did he imagine that such beautiful words could be uttered, for him to hear it and feel pain instead of bliss and security. And that feeling intensifies when he takes in an empty gaze, void of the passion and sincerity he was accustomed to seeing for the past two years.aka NielSung breaking up





	Nothing Without You

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to @smileyjisung on twitter  
> she gave me the prompt and i, a sucker for angst, had to just write this

Being five years apart, it was quite uncanny for Jisung and Daniel to have met in this lifetime. Jisung, the theater major whose classrooms were two floors above the dance department where Daniel is in, plus their age gap would be enough reason for them to just be strangers in this universe.

 

Yet, somehow Jisung’ s failure of one subject had to be a blessing in disguise for him as it was the semester where he and Daniel met backstage for a talent showcase. With the help of some mutual friends (and both of them still thank the existence of Joo Jinwoo), they got to meet and hang out more often than expected.

 

And yet despite their differences in age and opinions, as well as their priorities in life, they have somehow ended up tangled in each other’s life and believe that they were each other’s red string of fate.

 

Kang Daniel and Yoon Jisung weren’t really the most typical of couples you could find. They confessed to each other one night when they were too drowned in booze with the latter puking what he can’t handle on a tree.

 

Jisung remembers it vividly, how he had remnants of that night’s dinner staining the corner of his lips when Daniel looks at him with the fondest smile he could give and said those three words.

 

_I love you._

 

And he thinks it was just a spur of the moment thing, something stupid you could say when you’re intoxicated and half-asleep because let’s face it, Jisung really did look like a mess with heavy eye bags and slackened jaw. Yet, a day after the event, when they have rested well and every bit of alcohol out of their system, Daniel tells him again that he loves him.

 

Jisung told Daniel how much he loved him too, and so they loved as if the world was theirs to own.

 

They were each other’s first relationships and the road to getting where they are right now wasn’t always smooth. It was something beautiful, however, to love each other joyfully and recklessly through the fights and misunderstandings, through the jealousy, through the acceptance.

 

Jisung loves Daniel and Daniel loves Jisung.

 

And it felt like the world knew about it.

 

_\---_

 

The drift from their honeymoon phase was indeed inevitable. When they were free they indulged themselves in dates, food trips, lazy home cuddling, and whatever else lovey-dovey couples do. However, Jisung was an adult trying to survive in the harsh world, and Daniel was still on his way there all the while facing the struggles of university.

 

With a demanding job and nights full of homework and practices, the time they spend with each other became less and less. Sometimes the loss of touch lasted for weeks, until it became a month, until all they text about are “hi”s and “hello”s. Try as they might to keep up with everything, the best would be a single text in a week, and their faith in each other slowly beginning to get compromised.

 

“You still love me, right?”

 

Daniel gets to ask out of the blue one Saturday afternoon. Jisung looks up at him, a small bit of frosting smeared on the corner of his lip, then nods without hesitation. He notices the younger heave a sigh of relief and the atmosphere becoming quite heavy.

 

“This will pass, alright? We’ll be fine. We’re doing fine.”

 

Jisung tells this to Daniel, as well as to himself.

 

And it all pays off when he sees Daniel smile, corners of his lips reaching his cheeks and his eyes light up brighter than the city’s streetlights, not caring if he may have bits of chocolate on his teeth.

 

“I love you.”

 

The feeling of the three words rolling out of his tongue and escaping his lips felt more meaningful than how it was when he sends them through pixels. Yet the weight of it felt heavy, and although it was said, there was a sense of unfamiliarity of it on his tongue.

 

Jisung says it to Daniel for the first time.

 

_\---_

 

Spending the remnants of February’s winter breeze wasn’t as appealing of an idea as others make it out to be in moves and dramas. The cold rages despite having two more layers than usual clothing on Jisung yet he still decides to walk his way to Daniel’s place. With hands placed in his pockets and breath fogging in front of him, he takes small shaky steps until he was in front of the door decorated with a wreath (knowing Daniel, he was probably too lazy to take it down after Christmas). For the first time in their two-year relationship, he feels a looming dread at the back of his mind just by standing in front of the door.

 

He decides to shrug it off.

 

The second the door opens and his gaze meets Daniel’s, a part of him wanted to run away to wherever his feet could take him. He doesn’t know how or why the sudden feeling of fear just washed over him. It wasn’t like the younger looked angry or disappointed, but it wasn’t the usual look Daniel gives him either. Jisung doesn’t like how his gut feeling screams at him to just leave and run away, to make an excuse and turn around and head somewhere else for the day. His intuition was persistent to say the least.

 

He decides to shrug it off.

 

He doesn’t remember how he ended up slurping a hot bowl of noodles in front of Daniel, atmosphere quiet and heavy in the room. Sensing this, he used an amount of desperation to strike up a conversation because, well, both of them haven’t spoken in weeks (the few-worded morning texts excluded).

 

“Niel-ah, it’s my birthday next week and I was thinking if we could go somewhere together. Your classes don’t start until the middle of Fe- “

 

“I’m tired of this.”

 

Those four words sounded like shattered glass that he probably did a slight flinch as soon as he was cut off. The silence was back again and the corners of his eyes start to sting. He could have gotten up then and there, but he takes another slurp of his noodles. The silence save for the slurping noise was heavy and burdensome.

 

He decides to shrug it off.

 

“Alright, I won’t bother you tomorrow but can I stay here for the night?”

 

“Don’t you get it? I’m getting tired of this… Of everything… I’m breaking up with you.”

 

Having to hear it for the second time feels like he was the glass being shattered. Yet, Jisung decides to shrug it off.

 

“You’re too plain and boring, you talk too much too. It doesn’t make sense how I stuck with you for this long. Maybe I just pitied you for being lonely.”

 

Jisung bites the inside of his cheeks to prevent the tears from falling this time. He would’ve understood if the break up didn’t have much words to be said, just the necessary. But to point out his flaws through it and having to stay strong, it was tough.

 

He had a lot to tell Daniel too. IF he could, if he was petty, he would have stood up and pointed out his flaws as well and try to throw those shards of glass at the younger and see him in pain as well. But he decided to be the bigger person and take in everything in, swallowing down the tears along with the soup from his bowl.

 

 

_\---_

 

Daniel was still bewildered as to how Jisung stayed a little longer just to wash the dishes they both used, muttering out a small “unbelievable” to which he knows Jisung heard well. All he wanted was for Jisung to leave quicker before he could change his mind.

 

“Can you do that thing you always do before I leave?”

 

It takes him a while but Jisung tries to ask casually while facing Daniel with the most natural look he could muster, trying to push back the tears and hurt. His voice sways a little, but his majoring in theater paid off for this moment, he thinks.

 

“Are you out of your mind? Would you really want to hurt yourself?”

 

At this point, Jisung badly wanted to give Daniel a punch in the gut. _And he thinks of the hurt I would feel now?!_ , he thinks with fists balled at his side. But he takes a deep breath instead, looking straight at the latter with resolve in his eyes.

 

“Just do it one more time. Just once and after that I wouldn’t bother you anymore. I won’t appear in front of you ever again. That’s a promise.”

 

If only it was possible to do so at this moment, he would really give himself a pat on the back for even having the guts to throw away his pride and ask for something important so shamelessly, but Jisung really was determined in himself to at least have closure in the form of a last to remember by because, if he were to be honest, he would rather not remember the last face-to-face conversation they had.

 

Five seconds passed and Daniel only sighed, to which Jisung slowly feels defeated. But before he could turn around and take a step outside, the warmth of Daniel’s palms envelops his cheeks and their eyes meet.

 

To both of them, this was a habit, a way of saying goodbye when their dates end. It was something that signifies that even if they’ll be far apart for an indefinite period of time, their love for each other will always remain. The thought of it alone makes Jisung’ s heart ache, pulse and blood rushing as if it’s the first time they have done this.

 

His heart aches knowing that this would be the last.

 

Jisung feels his knees shake a little so he tries to run away before he could cry, but the younger has always been stronger than him, enough to stop him and pull him closer.

 

“I’m not finished yet.” His voice sounds soft and full of love, unlike earlier when all his flaws were pointed out and laid out of his vulnerable self. Reality dawns back on the older when he feels Daniel’s nose press on his. He doesn’t realize that he was gripping on the hem of his own shirt tightly at the contact, only during its loss when he finally opened his eyes.

 

“I love you.”

 

The words feel like sandpaper brushing on his skin, and never did he imagine that such beautiful words could be uttered, for him to hear it and feel pain instead of bliss and security. And that feeling intensifies when he takes in an empty gaze, void of the passion and sincerity he was accustomed to seeing for the past two years.

 

And as if the torture of reliving an ending scene wasn’t enough, Jisung’ s palms were enveloped in heat, a rough thumb rubbing on his knuckles gently. “I love you,” he hears again and this time Daniel smiles a smile that doesn’t reach his cheeks; that doesn’t turn his eyes into thin crescents; a smile that isn’t the least bit warm.

 

However, Jisung still wishes for time to stop, for him to be stuck in this loop even if it meant he had to hear words full of lies just to pierce his heart. He longed to be with Daniel still, but he couldn’t find it in himself to reach out and continue holding on when the other pulls back, the smile now nowhere in sight.

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.”

 

It was all Jisung could manage to utter before he finds himself pulling the coat to himself tighter. Somehow, the breeze felt colder than when he was headed towards the house, and colder it became when he took one last glance at the door. It fans on the trails left by his tears as he walks away, head hung low so that the passersby couldn’t see how pathetic he looked at the moment.

 

And so, he takes small steps, guided by the stars in the night sky, going wherever his feet could take him. All he had was the cold, the devastation, the heartbreak of being left, of being told that he was not enough, that it was all out of pity. 

 

In the middle of the park, he sees the town’s clock strike twelve and it was already the next day.

 

“Happy anniversary to us, you idiot,” He says to himself as he stares off into the night sky, sitting on the bench where they first kissed.

 

Tomorrow has already arrived and now that he doesn’t have Daniel anymore, Jisung doesn’t know what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> rushed typed this so it's really unbeta-ed aaaa i hope you enjoyed reading this >< feel free to leave your comments/violent reactions/feedback in the comment box ^^ thank you for reading up until here!!


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